Before coming to Paris to take up a job as resident
professional babysitter I had only ever done it once previously. I wouldn’t
even begin to say that I think I have the art of looking after children down to
a fine art after doing it for 9 months but I’m certainly starting to wise up to
all the intricacies of getting two dangerously devious girls to do what I say. Here
are my words of wisdom:-
1.
Make sure they know the boundaries. For example
my girls know that I’ll let them stay up a little bit later if they don’t
disturb me when I’m totally immersed in Game Of Thrones because if not they
will incur my wrath. Something that is never pretty on a Saturday night when I could
be out having fun.
2.
Don’t snitch on each other. I’ll tell your mum
that you went to bed without a fuss and at the designated hour if you don’t let
on that I’ve eaten most of the crisps. And drunk all the tea. And eaten most of
the Percy Pigs.
3.
If I’ve let you watch Desperate Housewives past
your bedtime (which coincidentally is really badly dubbed but it such a way
that it’s even funnier) then you have to slowly glide from the living room into
your own bedroom with the stealth of a leopard when your parents come through
the front door – something I never perfected as a child.
4.
My solution for you being in a strop/scared of
thunderstorms/not doing what I say is to tickle you. A fail safe negotiating
tactic – why haven’t they tried this in the Middle East?
5.
Try hard to help with homework. Even if it’s
explaining the German case system which fogs my brain in English never mind
when I’m explaining it in French.
#linguistproblems
6.
Wifi passwords and laptop chargers are
essential. But an emergency book is always good. Even if it’s just to pick up
when the parents walk through the door so it doesn’t look like you’ve been
watching a whole series of Real Housewives Of Atlanta back to back but actually
reading Proust. (Fail safe technique – no one finishes Proust so you can keep
it up for ages)
It is an occupation that is not without its certain
struggles – I mean who can reason with 8 year olds? But it can be quite
rewarding. My favourite moment babysitting was hearing some guy in the street
screaming “YOU SHALL NOT PASS” to his friend. The Lord of The Rings nerd within
me was quite gleeful that night I can tell you.
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